Posted by someoneisawesome01 on 2014/07/05 under Uncategorized So I recently got dumped, he would probably be argue that I dumped him first or somehow blame it on me, but the point is me and my 2 year boyfriend are over with.
I feel that I’ve been doing okay with the break up, during the day I watch YouTube videos and go on and try to live a normal life, at night I promise myself that I am going to go to sleep before 12, but always stay up past 2 am. The reason I want to go to sleep early is because if I let myself stay awake for too long I end up crying myself to sleep, which I suppose is normal for a break up, but since he was my first boyfriend I’m not really sure what is considered “normal.”
I suppose I should be happy because he is away for the summer, which not only gives me the perfect alibi when my moms asks,”How come he hasn’t been around?”, but it also limits my communication with him. Now BELIEVE me, my whole day consist of wanting to text him and wanting to call him to yell at him or to ask him “why?”, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of labeling me as the “stalker ex-girlfriend.” Although it is very hard not to let him know how it feels to be told,”I know I begged you to take me back, but I now realize that you’re more annoying than you’re worth, so I don’t think we’re going to work out. PEACE OUT, HOE.” (I may have exaggerated a little.) but I USUALLY can force myself not to text him. And then I saw the Fourth of July fireworks.. -____-
As I sat on the bleachers of a nearby school watching the fireworks all I could think about was HIM and his stupid face. I couldn’t understand WHY I all of a sudden felt the huge urge to call him and beg him to take me back, because I’ve already decided that I don’t want to be with him anymore (even though I’m still in love with him, sadly) and then it hit me! (warning-this analogy is SUPER cliche) Fireworks are like relationships.
Let me explain myself. As the fireworks started I was, like everyone else, awe struck. Just like at the beginning of every relationship. When everything he or she does is beautiful, art-like, and…perfect. And then as I looked around I noticed a majority of people had lost interest, it wasn’t that the fireworks were any less beautiful. No, the fireworks had done no wrong, but all of the people had started to get used to the fireworks. Which is just what happens in relationships, people stop seeing their lover the same. People stop doing little things like holding hands, hugging, laughing, touching, or even just saying,”You look beautiful today.” That’s really all what people want. But then all of a sudden the fireworks started to pick up, the grand finale, and light up the sky and everyone put down their phones and games and started paying attention again. Everyone started to take out their cameras, because they knew that it was all about to end. Which is what happens when you finally realize that you’re losing someone special to you. You start to frantically fit it, when you really should have been appreciating them the whole time, even when you become “bored” and other things start to interest you. And then, just as quickly as it started, the fireworks were gone, forever. I began to wonder if I had missed anything while I was looking around or checking the time on my phone, but I’ll honestly never know. Just like I’ll never know if I missed anything in my relationship or if HE missed anything that I did for him. Like when I would get up early to try to wear something he would like, or when I would try literally anything to make him laugh, or when I would bring him up in a conversation when I felt that a boy was coming at me too strong, I really did give him my ALL. I didn’t want him to think or feel that I wasn’t 100% invested, and when I realized maybe HE wasn’t, it really just tore me apart. After the fireworks ended all I could think about was our relationship and how we let OTHER people affect it and I wanted to badly to text, call, and run to wherever he was to try to get him back, but I knew I couldn’t. Because just like the fireworks where over, maybe we were, too. No amount of loud applause and “aww’s” we’re going to bring the fireworks back, just like no amount of pleading would bring him back to me. So I went on Google and typed in,”some where I can write” and now here I am.
I just want to end on 2 notes:
1) Thank you for saving me the humiliation of being pegged “annoying ex,” by giving me an outlet to let out my feelings.
2) I wish, with all my heart, that wherever he is he’s watching fireworks and realizing the same thing I did. Hopefully just not too late.
Happy 4rt of July.